pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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