I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
