It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
