sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
