she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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