So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
