Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
