I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
