i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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