My sheets look like a crime scene.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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