ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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