chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
