I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
