dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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