Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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