Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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