I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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