We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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