you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
