We're like a lot better than the average bears
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
