She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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