Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
