My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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