somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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