i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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