I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
