Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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