Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
