Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
