Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I could make wine with my vomit
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
