This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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