I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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