eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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