I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
