I look better un-naked...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
