hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
