he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
