I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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