i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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