he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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