She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
