i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
