my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
