your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
