i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
