just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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