Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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