my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
