she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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