i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
