puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love having hate sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
