Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
