I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no you cant smoke seaweed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
