So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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