Jerry, you need to find god
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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