There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
