I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
