Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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