he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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