the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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