And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
