i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
