I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
