onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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