never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
