I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
