i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
