I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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