Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
