Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
