Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...