Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.