Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning