I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra