so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.