I think I died a long time ago.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
