How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
