A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We are two peas in an std pod
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
