she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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