I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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